Past Dreams
by Furinjuru
Summary: Leaving is always the hardest part. Ever since she was young, that had always been the case. That doesn't mean she got used to it. The clock's ticking, the days are numbered, and Mari's stuck in the middle of everything. (Side-story for Our Sea Of Today, but can be read as a standalone. Dia is a year younger than Mari and Kanan)


" _Congratulations Ohara-san!"_

The words echo in her mind as she walks into the bathroom. Going into the first empty stall she sees, Mari locks it before sitting down on the seat. Her entire body is shaking as she stares at the envelope in her hand, completely plain except for her name on the front.

 _Please, don't tell me…._

She thought she could slowly go through the process on her own terms. She thought she would have more time. At the very least, she thought she would be able to discuss it with someone. The teachers, her parents, her friends….

But as Mari opens the envelope, she _knows_. Whether she likes it or not, the thing she had been dreading for the past few years has finally arrived, banging on her door and pushing her into a state of panic.

Her time is up.

Mari believes that she isn't special. Her grades dip below average more often than not, she doesn't join any clubs, and she can't think of anything she's good at.

But if there's one thing Mari loves, it's singing and dancing.

Dancing, as much as it is art, is her way of expressing herself. When she dances for Kanan or Dia, or sometimes with them, she can show her true emotions. What she's really like, underneath all of her undying optimism and courage. When she's dancing, she can afford to be as weak or as reckless as she wants. As long as she's doing it for fun.

Singing, on the other hand, is her favorite thing to do with her friends. When they're done being emotional, they would sing a set of songs together. Dia always chooses a different song for them to sing, thanks to her knowledge of different genres of music, while Kanan only knows traditional songs she sang when she was five years old. Mari would pick whatever she's in the mood for, which is usually a metal song. Unfortunately, she's also the only one of them who enjoys it. Dia tries, but her traditional upbringing, as well as her taste in music, makes it hard for her to enjoy it. Sometimes, her and Mari argue about it, forcing Kanan to mediate.

But once all of them begin singing, things are less heated. Mari isn't amazing by any means, unlike people with actual singing talent, but she's able to harmonize well with both Dia and Kanan. She loves watching Dia's face light up when she sings, losing her cold exterior. Kanan's choice, although childish, brings back memories of festivals and games. Mari's songs aren't meant to be technical, but they describe her best. And it's kind of funny watching the normally composed Dia screaming the lyrics to a metal song.

Despite that, her biggest mistake had been telling her father of this love.

It's not that her father is a cruel person, far from it. He's playful and energetic, just like his daughter. He wishes nothing but the best for everyone he knows, especially his own family. So when Mari told him of her interest in dancing and singing, he offered to sign her up for a scholarship program. She accepted, and ever since that day she continued practicing, struggling to get better and better. Her father had told her of the possible risks, but she ignored him. She thought that nothing could be better than doing what you love as a job.

This is entirely her fault. This wouldn't have happened if she just stopped and listened for once in her life. She took a massive leap without checking if anything was underneath her, and this is her punishment. Falling, without knowing where she's going to end up. All she knows is that she's going to lose so much.

Mari skips her next class, as well as the one after that. She just locks herself in the stall while resisting the urge to cry. She hopes that her skipping class would at least piss off her teachers. Maybe if she's lucky, they would take away her scholarship and she can continue her life in Uchiura.

But her teachers understand. They realize that getting the scholarship is a big thing for Mari. They even offered her a few days off if she needs to relax. But she can't afford to, especially not now. Time is ticking, and she needs to make a proper schedule. She needs to decide how to spend her last few months with Dia and Kanan.

A few days after receiving the letter, Mari invites both her friends to spend some time together. They decide to do it at Dia's house, much to the excitement of the younger girl. Once there, Dia leads them towards the living room, only to discover Ruby studying hard.

"Oh, it's Ruby-chan!" Kanan says, while Mari instead runs towards her to give her a hug, eliciting a loud shriek.

"Mari, please don't bother Ruby. She has a test coming up." Dia scolds her, sitting down next to her sister.

"I'm sure Ruby-chan can do it just fine! She's the smartest seventh-grader I know. Isn't that right Kanan?" Mari asks, with Kanan nodding in approval.

"That's exactly it," Dia answers, a small amount of pride seeping into her voice. "If she passes this, she'll be moved up a grade."

That surprises Mari. She knows that Ruby is amazing, but she might be even better than she originally thought. "I'll be cheering for you then. That means you'll graduate a year after Dia, right?"

"Only if I pass this test."

"You'll definitely pass!" Mari cheers her on again, which makes both of them smile. She then redirects her attention to Dia. "So, have you picked which high school you're going to?"

"Of course. I'll be going to Uranohoshi as well."

"Oh, why?" Mari can't help but be confused. Uranohoshi is nothing special, while Dia can go to any school she wants to with her grades.

"Isn't it obvious?" Dia asks in return, blushing slightly. "Y-you two mean a lot to me, so of course I want to go to the same school as you two."

Mari feels guilt forming inside of her. She realizes that she's not going to be at Dia's graduation, or Ruby's. Just the thought makes her want to reject the scholarship, but she knows she can't do that. That could get Uranohoshi blacklisted from further scholarships. For someone who comes from a wealthy family like her, it might not be a big problem. But for smarter, more talented people who are less fortunate, a scholarship can mean everything. She _can't_ sacrifice that for so many people just because she wants to be selfish. Everyone would hate her. If Kanan and Dia can't get the scholarships, and they find out it's because of Mari, she knows they would hate her as well.

Kanan laughs as she sees how cute her underclassman is, but then she notices that Mari isn't laughing along. "Mari?"

The three turn towards Mari, who has tears forming in her eyes. Panicking, Kanan and Dia rush towards her, while Ruby grabs a tissue box. "Mari, are you okay?" Dia asks, concerned.

Mari shakes her head. "I-I'm sorry…." She mutters, taking the offered tissue and glass of water from Ruby. She drinks a small amount, helping her calm down. "I just…I don't think I'll be a good _senpai_ for you two."

"Mari, look at us." Forcing her head up, she sees the three of them sitting right in front of her. Dia smiles, although she seems close to crying as well. Kanan is the first to speak.

"You might not think so, but you'll be a great _senpai_. I mean, you're funny, good at singing, dancing, responsible, and you get along with everyone! Right?"

"Of course!" Dia agrees, keeping her voice steady. "S-so don't cry. From now on, I'll be in your care."

"Me too!" Ruby shouts enthusiastically. It all makes Mari want to cry even more. So rather than speaking, she just pulls them into a tight hug. As much as she wants to, she can't bring herself to believe her friend's words.

After all, how can she be a good upperclassman if she's not even there for them?

The next few days, Mari tries to be as normal as possible. She invites Kanan and Dia, as well as Ruby if she's not too busy studying, to spend more time together. They would try out local snacks, practice traditional music, swim in the sea, have dinner in the Ohara hotel, and anything else they can think of. For Mari, her last few months here have to be special. She wants her friends to remember her once she leaves them.

And Mari has fun. She has so much fun, that she almost forgets about her reason for doing this in the first place. She's like a kid who only cares about playing. When her friends leave and she's forced to sleep, she can't wait for it to be morning so she can play with them more. But every time she waits for the sun to rise again, another day passes. She forgets to mark the days on her calendar, not realizing how close she's getting to her departure.

Until one day, someone calls her. Well, not _her_ to be exact. The call was meant for her parents, and the maid picked it up, but it reached her in the end. The voice on the other end is warm and cheerful, but for Mari it was like getting splashed in the face with a bucket of solid ice. She excuses herself, returning to her bedroom and frantically searching for her phone. Turning it on, she's greeted by her wallpaper, a picture of her, Kanan, Ruby, and Dia during her graduation.

She checks the date near the top, and she can feel her heart sink. She's crying again because _this is it._ December 24. She has a week left before she leaves for good. Of course, she doesn't tell Kanan or Dia, at least not yet. Maybe she's being selfish, but she wants them to be laughing and smiling until the very last day. She doesn't think she can stomach the sight of them crying. She can't tell Ruby either. The poor girl has enough on her plate already.

So she waits. She spends the next day with Dia and Kanan, helping them with any chores they need finished. She spends the next one with Dia and Ruby, helping Ruby with some questions she doesn't understand. After that, she works at the diving shop with Kanan. After that, Dia invites them to finish their homework. She scolds Mari, who hasn't even started working on it. Mari just laughs, mentioning that she'll finish it before school starts again. Maybe she will finish all of it today, or tomorrow, just so she can watch Dia's face light up when she sees that Mari took her advice for once.

It wouldn't hurt. Maybe she'll get something out of it. And so, for the entire day, she goes through the pile of work, only stopping once she finishes half a page of work. Dia thinks that a break every half-page is still too frequent, but her face shows more expression when her words can't. Her lips are forming a tiny smile, trying to hide her contentment. There's also a glint in her eyes, a sign of her taking Mari's sudden eagerness in learning as a challenge. She starts working intensely, which causes both Mari and Kanan to laugh. It's might not be possible, but she wishes she can do this with them again.

They spend the next two days preparing for the New Year's Festival. With Dia coming from an influential family, Kanan's family having a local business, and her family's hotel, they're forced to participate. Once everything's done, and before Mari heads to bed, she sends a text to each of them. After the festival is finished, she asks them to change into casual clothes before meeting up with her near the festival grounds. Dia tells her that she'll ask her parents for permission, while Kanan says that she'll be there.

A few minutes pass until Dia responds with an affirmative. Mari's glad; it just wouldn't be the same unless all of them were present.

The following morning, Mari starts off by calming herself in the bathroom. No matter how much she wants to cry, she needs to look good for the festival. At the very least, she'll make sure both Kanan and Dia remember her. She readies her yukata, purple and white with flower patterns. She spends the afternoon sending messages to Kanan and Dia, giggling as Dia rants about how tired she is. But they have to make some final preparations, so after a quick reminder to meet her after the festival, she closes the chat and runs down.

The maids help her tie her hair in a bun without touching her hair loop. Unlike her mother, who will be meeting a lot of new faces, Mari gets to stay in the background for most of the time, so she has less pressure to look perfect.

She doubts she'll be able to see Dia or Kanan, and if she does she doubts she can talk to them. She'll just have to deal with it. Heading back to her room, she puts on her yukata carefully, trying to remember Dia's tips. She rarely ever puts it on by herself, but she'd like to show Dia that she can do it.

Once the sun begins to set, Mari heads towards the festival. Her yukata is securely on, after a good amount of attempts she finally does it, and she looks pretty good. Most of the stalls are already open, and Mari doesn't wait to spend her exorbitant pocket money. Candy apples, water balloons, decorative lanterns. She picks up one of each, although their uses vary. People seem pleased to have a customer who's willing to pay more than market price, and she doesn't mind it either. People deserve to be compensated if they worked hard on something, and she's willing to offer a lot of compensation. Once she picks up something from almost every stall, with a lot of money still intact, she spends her time on games. Most are meant for children, and the prizes aren't for her, so she gives them to whoever wants it.

She hears a sudden popping noise coming from the sky. Looking up, she sees colors exploding against the dark night sky, painting a picture of sparks and flowers. People cheer as more fireworks are shot to the sky, but it means that the festival is winding down. She has to prepare now.

Having seen enough, she goes back home. Placing her purchases on her bed, she undoes her hair into her normal style before grabbing a white dress from her closet. Changing into it, she takes her phone, asking if Kanan and Dia can meet her now. Kanan is already at her house, while Dia is on her way, so she begins walking back to the festival.

When she arrives, people are starting to leave. Most people are still exploring, and some are praying at the nearby shrine, but the main event of the evening is done.

Today is January 1, the day she leaves Japan.

She imagines how pretty it would be to watch the fireworks with her friends by her side. Finding a nice view somewhere, and just staring at the sky in awe. Of course, the fireworks are no longer there, but they can still watch the sky together. The stars are pretty, and Kanan loves stargazing.

 _Speak of the devil,_ she thinks as she sees Kanan in the distance. And _damn,_ she's cute. She's wearing a white shirt and a gray fluffy skirt to match, before topping it all off with a green jacket. "You're here!" Mari shouts excitedly, looking around. "Now we just have to wait for…Dia…."

 _Is that her?_ Mari asks to herself before she realizes that it is Dia. Her shirt is nice, but her pants are _horrifying_. They're dark, and the gray lines create a checkerboard pattern. It's not something she wants to see Dia wearing. _Focus_ , she reminds herself. She's supposed to be serious.

"Dia!" She smiles, before turning away. "Hurry up. I have a nice place I want to show you two. It's just nearby, you'll love it." She begins to walk, knowing that they'll follow her. She takes a few turns and is forced to walk up a slope, but they reach a high point clear of distractions.

Mari looks up at the sky, and loses her breath for a second. It's prettier than she imagined. Now she sees why Kanan likes doing this so much. The lack of lights allows the stars to shine at their brightest, accompanied only by the faraway flickers of lanterns. They aren't standing on very high ground, but she feels like she's on top of the world as she stares down at the stalls and other people.

"Oh, this is nice…." Kanan mutters as she sits down on the ground, not worrying about getting dirt on her clothes. "But If you wanted to watch the stars, you should've told me. I know a few hills that have an amazing view."

Mari laughs, sitting down next to Kanan before laying down. She should've brought a blanket. "I don't doubt that, but I wanted to surprise you. Isn't this nice? Dia, come on and sit down."

Dia is staring at the ground with a displeased expression on her face, and Mari finds a chance to tease her. "If you're scared of getting your clothes dirty, you can sit on my lap." She pats her thighs to make a point. Dia, expectedly, chooses to sit down on the ground.

The three friends stare at the starry sky, taking in the sight in front of them. Kanan begins talking about the constellations, their stories, and their origins, as well as their uses. In the middle of a tale about some ancient monster, Mari gets tired of sitting and lays down. Kanan does the same, while Dia remains in her position. Looks like she's not going to follow her this time.

Once Kanan's bored of talking, the silence returns. _Now would be the best time_ , Mari tells herself. She feels a knot forming in her throat, but she forces out the words.

"I'm leaving." Her words are sudden and jarring, drawing attention to herself. Both of her friends face her, seeming confused.

"You're heading back home?" Kanan asks, causing Mari to shake her head.

"I…got a scholarship. I'm going to America. I'm leaving Japan." She lets the words hang, watching as Kanan's eyes widen in shock at the realization.

"You're leaving?" Kanan seems to be in disbelief, thinking that Mari must be lying. Mari wishes that she was lying as well. "When?"

"Today."

She leaves Kanan speechless, not sure of what she should ask. Mari wishes that Kanan would say something. Asking another question, or even screaming at her for being an idiot. Anything would be better than complete silence.

But when she hears sobbing coming from her left, she wishes she could have silence instead.

"Dia, please don't cry!" It's too late. The girl is using her hands to cover her face, not wanting to be seen in her moment of weakness. Without thinking, Mari pulls her in for a hug, small droplets of water beginning to flow down her face. "I'm sorry, I should've told you earlier. I'm so, so, sorry."

"I-it's…." Dia hiccups. It pains her to see the usually stoic girl like this. "It's fine, it's not my business…."

"But it is!" Mari shouts with a tone of anger. "I'm stupid! You two are my best friends, I should've told you two sooner! I'm…I'm being selfish, it's my fault."

She feels Kanan hugging her from behind, along with a feeling of dampness on her shoulder. The three friends stay like that, crying and being comforted by each other for the better part of an hour. Until finally the youngest of them managed to gather enough composure. Pulling away from Mari's grasp, her eyes are visibly red from crying, but her voice retains her normal tone.

"I-if…." She stops, before correcting herself. "When you come back…I'll be waiting for you."

"Me too," Kanan answers softly, patting Mari's shoulder comfortingly. It almost makes her laugh. "I promise, we'll be waiting for you the moment you come back."

"Thank you." It's all she can say. She looks at her friends, and gives them the brightest smile she can muster. "I'll be waiting then."

They stand up, brushing away any dirt that stuck to their clothes before heading back. They walk hand-in-hand for as long as possible until Kanan separates from them, walking towards the ferry stop to her house. After that, Mari and Dia continue walking, enjoying the rest of their time together.

Just as they're about to part ways, Mari pulls Dia into a tight hug. "Happy birthday, Dia." She whispers. The girl is frozen, but slowly she wraps her arms around Mari as well, pulling her closer.

"This…you're aware that this isn't a very good present, right?"

Mari lets out a small laugh, pulling away from Dia after a few more seconds. "I'm aware…I'm sorry for that. I didn't mean-"

Dia cuts her off. "Stop apologizing." She says sternly, just like how she would before scolding Mari. "It's fine. But…I'll be waiting for a better present."

"I promise." Mari turns away and begins to walk. She's too afraid to turn around, wondering if she'll see Dia crying again.

However, once she's sure that Dia can't see her, she lets her tears flow freely, leaving a bitter taste on her tongue.


End file.
